As indicated by my personal life crisis blog-design update, I have been feeling restless again. Trying to find a place in to live in the Bay Area is *the* würst. Half the Craigslist ads are report-worthy scams barely veiled and seemingly designed to lure desperate and unsuspecting women into lewd practices and trafficking rings. And everything else is a million west coast dollars. So there’s that.
Yesterday on my way back to work from lunch, I was rehearsing all the reasons I have to feel sorry for myself, and thinking about this surprisingly helpful seven-day Bible App reading plan when a back-packed sixth grader stopped me to ask for directions. She’d had a “minimum day” at school ~ meaning they got out at 1PM ~ and was on her way to a friend’s house but thought she maybe took a wrong turn, and it’s hard to tell when you get in the neighborhoods. At first I suggested she traipse down to the library with me and we could have them give her solid directions. Mainly because I am the worst direction giver and couldn’t live with the idea of getting this poor child even more out of her way. Then once I realized we’d be backtracking where she came from for quite a few blocks, I decided to give my unreliable, I-refuse-to-pay-for-more-data Maps app a try. I saw that she was fairly close and decided to accompany her to the main road she said she would recognize. I asked her a few non-invasive What’s It Like To Be A Kid These Days Life Questions [apparently we had shared frustration with the constant Apple iPhone updates…] and she seemed super impressed that I was from North Carolina. She had never met anyone from North Carolina. She asked me how I liked California and I said I did for the most part, except that it’s super expensive. She emphatically agreed and proceeded to tell me about how the reason they have a pretty nice house is because her dad bought it when it was a crack house so it didn’t cost a lot of money then he and his friend fixed it up and now it’s nice.
I was reminded of how true it is that the antidote for wallowing in woes is taking your eyes off your self and your problems. And also that I tremendously enjoy tiny and mid-sized humans. And also that God seems to have graced me with particular favor in the eyes of tiny and mid-sized humans. My older brother joked the other day about my tendency to weigh everything on Cosmic scales, which I am entirely prone to do. So yesterday, having come across the path of a mid-sized human that trusted me enough to ask for help and chat comfortably with me for 10 minutes completely re-energized me and gave me a renewed sense of purpose for still working where I do in Berkeley, CA. Because if I had’t been in my feelings and taken the round about way back to work, that orchestrated encountered wouldn’t have happened. But it did and the mid-size human and I were mutually blessed.
So anyways, this surprisingly helpful reading plan I’ve been following is called Wait and See: Finding Peace in God’s Pauses and Plans. Wendy Pope has some solid things to say, so if you’re into that kind of thing ~ and even if you’re usually not ~ it’s worth at least the first 3 days which is how far along I am.
So today is another long one. I don’t have to be at work for another hour, though I’ve been up for 2.5 hours already, and I won’t get to leave until precisely 7PM. [In my limited anticipation.]
I feel no less powerless to happen upon a new spot to move into that I can actually afford or meet someone who actually wants to marry me eventually or get to a place where the songs I have written are recorded and well-produced and included in the soundtrack of some grand and elaborately portrayed story. But I should still probably look for a new place to live; and I should probably still be open to God bringing someone into my life who doesn’t exactly match my expectations or my carefully crafted aesthetic of my image for myself. I should keep writing, and God knows I need to practice what I’ve already come up with.
Our job is not to run ahead of Him or lag behind. We should take natural, commonsense steps that are in line with His word so we will be ready when He delivers our heart’s desire … Lingering in our field will teach us the trustworthiness of God and the vastness of His ways. | Wendy Pope