quarter life crisis

Sometimes I get weirded out by how hyper-contexualized everything is. Like, I live in a century where Doritos are a thing. And I get off of a loud, but eerily empty train long after it’s dark ~ but before it’s “late” ~ and make a pit stop at a giant rectangular building filled with food. Or, arguably, non food. And the lights are fluorescent and there are tired single mothers and overweight children milling about. In gloriously beautiful tones ranging from olive to deep, dark brown. Speaking sharply in two different languages. Everyone is tired. And we all have to get up and live whatever it is our Thing is tomorrow.

And then, at the same time, Eternity is more real a ‘thing’ than the dusted orange triangles I munch on to satisfy the cravings that leave as quickly as they come. At any given moment, the God who made us subject to Forces In A Universe could roll back the sky He painted like the scroll that it is.

But in the meantime, I scroll through Reddit to make myself feel better about the long story short, full disclosure, life update friendlationship that ended because I woke up one day and wasn’t afraid to lose it anymore. And what felt so Meant to be woven together, all came unraveled in the end. But you know, there is something to be said for the fact that our strands walked side by side for a season; that they got curled up and dyed in such beautifully redemptive ways, like tauting scissors down a ribbon that’s been dunked in a bucket of blue. 

I chuckle to myself and decide that I am not Special. I am no Exception to anybody’s Rule. And I fold myself into the ISTJ conclusions of stranger who has posted to the Internet:

Younger me [would] ruminate, obsess, keep trying, fixate on one person, question my own self-worth as a result of failure.
Older me: move on. There’s 3.5 billion more where that came from.
Older me got married.

Ha. Older him got married. So anyway, that’s my Tuesday. I guess I should go brush the particles of dusted corn trapped in the crevice of my wisdom teeth while I wonder where on earth my life is going.

~ b

C O M M E N T S

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